Entering into marriage therapy (also called couple therapy or relationship therapy) can be a hard step to take.  Usually couples finally consider coming to therapy when they are in a constant state of crisis.  We often hear partners saying things like, “I’m at the end of my rope,” “I don’t know what else to do,” “I think we may be done.”  While we love to see couples before they get to this point so that we can help them avoid the pain and angst of being in crisis, it is extremely normal for couples to not consider couple therapy until they think there is nothing else to try for help.

​​Rocky Mountain Center

For Individuals, Couples and Families

Couples who can benefit from relationship therapy are those in any kind of intimate relationship and kept awake at night wondering what happened to their marriage/relationship.  They ask a lot of questions with the phrase “He/she used to ___________________“ in it.  Frequently for many of these potential clients, there is a great fear that a marriage is going to end in a divorce.  Or, worse yet, that it won’t end and the client will be stuck forever in an unexciting, dying relationship.  Many of these potential clients are lamenting, “If we could just recapture what we had in the beginning, everything would be ok again.”

Commonly we see partners asking:  

“Why can’t he/she love me like he/she used to?”
“Why do I have to do all the emotional work in this relationship? “
“Why are we not having good sex anymore? 
“Why was there an affair?  Can we come back from an affair?”
“Why is my spouse working so much when I need him/her here to help me?”
“Why does my spouse/partner nag me and chase after me to keep arguing?” 
“Why does my spouse/partner always make me so angry?”

The answers to these questions can be scary to consider.  Marriage/couple therapy provides a safe and objective environment in which to learn how to share feelings and explore reactions.  It seeks to help explain the patterns we all get stuck in and help partners find a more useful way to resolve struggles. 

Remaining stuck in old patterns and arguments can increase tension and anxiety making an entire household miserable.  Choosing to break out of that habit is hard but uncovering the unconscious and powerful messages keeping each partner stuck in these patterns can be immensely relieving.  It can help once loving and caring couples get back to that happy and healthy place they used to be. 

And, it’s not easy.  Therapy can be hard work.  Looking at emotions can be exhausting.  Sharing thoughts and feelings can make clients feel vulnerable.  That is why couple therapy creates a safe and non-judgmental place to share even the darkest of secrets.  The process helps people express their feelings as well as learn how to hear feelings from others.  We are created with emotions, which are neither bad nor good.  They just are.  The problem comes when those emotions are either turned up to high (i.e. explosive anger, deep and constant sadness, manic happiness) or turned down too low (i.e. heavy depression, dissociation, withdrawal).

The thought that therapy is hard can be a barrier to entering therapy but cost can also be a deterrent.  At Rocky Mountain Center, we like to look at therapy as an investment in a relationship(s).  Without solid and healthy relationships, couples and families are unhappy and, research shows, that healthy relationships are related to longer life spans.  We spend a lot of money on a great many things that bring only transient happiness (that daily latte, bottles of wine, extra data so we can surf on our phones).  Each of these expenses can be an opportunity to fund a better, more lasting investment in your future.  Also, some of our therapists at Rocky Mountain Center have a sliding fee scale.  So, don’t let cost prevent you from having a more fulfilling life.

Sometimes it’s not just money but a time investment that deters clients from pursuing therapy.  It can take time.  Unlike antibiotics, learning new and more healthy behaviors is not an overnight fix.  However old you are now, that is how long it has taken for you to get this place; it will take some time and effort to get out of it.  But, the harder you work, the faster the process goes.  Being ready for change is part of the process and our therapists can help you and your spouse/partner understand what may be holding you back from making lasting changes.

At Rocky Mountain Center, we have therapists trained in the art of systemic therapy.  This discipline allows us to attend to the special challenges involved in having more than one person in a session.  It helps us understand what is happening between the members in a relationship, whether it is a couple or a family.  This understanding allows us to help you see the patterns into which you fall and why.

Make the call, send an email.  Waiting only ensures that nothing will change.  But acting now and making an appointment is the first step building a healthy and fulfilling relationship.